PART IV: COLLEEN'S ICU INTERLUDE
After sending off the email to Mathai, Dr. Tottenham and I sat in a windowless break room or conference room just yards away from Colleen's room. She took me back through all the risks again of the two lines she felt were likely to be needed. I signed off. Her demeanor remained detached and clinical, with an I'm-just-doing-my-job-ma'am manner. Before finally initialing the documents, I asked her if she was going to be able to remove the breathing tube. "Your sister is very, very sick. I can't give you any guarantee," she said.

"Have you removed breathing tubes before?" I asked her point-blank.

"Yes."

"Are the nurses and techs in Colleen's room experienced in removing breathing tubes?"

"Yes."

"Put in the other lines if you believe they are necessary. I ask only one thing. Do not add one iota of physical or mental suffering to my sister. She's suffered enough," I said through sobs. The doctor's eyes teared up, which surprised me.

She continued, "I will make sure to inform your sister of the risks before doing anything."

"No," I said. "I've just taken on the responsibility of the risks. I don't want her to hear them. If the new lines need to be inserted, I also don't want her to see them. I don't want her frightened any more than she already is. If she looks inquiring, please tell her you're merely putting in another IV."

The doctor agreed to that.